Thursday, January 9, 2014

2013 P.R.O.S.T.A.T.E.. awards! A totally biased celebration of friends and crap that I like

In honor of the year that was
In an effort to rid myself of some plastic rakes I found on the beach.

I present you with the
(it'a an acronym)
Plastic Rake On String To Acknowledge Tremendous Excellence.
(rake size and color may vary)

Race of the Year 
The only way it could have been better is if their was some sort of live Metal Mariachi band?

Honorable mention:

Race Director/Running Organization
The Coury Brothers and family

Honorable Mention:

Ultra Runner of the Year
8 Year old Teagan
Finisher of the Javelina 100km and 100 miles at Across the Years

Honorable mention:
Ian Sharman
The fastest man ever to complete the grand slam of Ultra-running

Honorable Mention:
Tracy Thomas
Tracy raised over $6,000 for the 100 mile club. and then was the outright winner in the 100 mile Endurance Challenge.

Burro of the Year

Travelling buddy of the Year
Tyler Tomaello
We traveled many miles and drank many beers

Honorable mention:
La Mariposa and Frenchie.
I love you guys.

Man of the Year
Every dude who used his own urine to clean a toilet seat and then wiped it off afterwards for the next person to use it

Woman of the Year
All women who who fight for equality!
If I had to wear a shirt everyday it would drive me insane.

Beard of the Year
Robert Shackelton Shackelford
I tried my best but  I wasn't even close.

Race Shwag
Leadville Burro Race
Not only did I not know I was getting a buckle, I also got a 4 pack of IPA. Not bad for getting second to last place.

 Honorable Mention:
F.O.K.A. B. M.
Federation of Kick Ass Beer miles
Shovel on a string

Dancer of the Year
Chris Rios and Maria Walton
Rios's behind the back clap move has been known to spontaneously in-pregnant whole ballrooms full of Infertile women.
Honorable mention to: 
Steph, Shawn and Scott

Musical Performance of the Year
On a moonless night in Urique my friend Nacho strummed away at his violin

Beer of the Year
Stone Ale

Best Stone Ale of year
All of the IPA's brought down to Mexico for me by Mike miller and Pat Muldowney.  I am very fortunate to have such good friends.

Blog of the Year
By far my favorite blog!

Honorable Mention:
(shameless? You betcha!)

Food of the Year
The avocado

Honorable mention:
The taco w/avocado
 the Vegan pizza also w/avocado

Snack Bar of the Year
Bearded Brothers
Raw, Vegan and Gluten free.

Inspirational quote of the year
Wake up and Frolic!
I love it

Gear of the Year
Black Shorts.
There is really only one piece of gear that I need to go running 
any brand will do but the liner should also be black.

Honorable mention:
The water bottle
Personally I prefer Ultimate Hydration handhelds but just about any bottle will do.

Shoe of the Year
Shoes are lame.  No winner here.

Honorable Mention:
If I got to wear somthing on my feet it's gonna be a pair of 
Luna Sandal

Shovel of the  Year
I'm a sucker for the Heart handle
Honorable mention:
First place Shovel on a string award presented to Nick Coury at the Javelina Beer mile

Favorite item Found on the Beach
 I don't know why I love this stupid flashlight so much but I do.
Honorable Mention:
His name is GustAvocado and if I die and have one of those Mexican roadside shrines dedicated to me, I want him in it.
Random cool moment of the year
"The Magic of Ometepe"
While at the beach I noticed a playing card sitting face down washed up on the shore?  (Okay whatever)  I went on to tell Tyler a story of  how when I was younger (Younger? I was younger yesterday!) I had a lucky card. The 4 of clubs (think four leaf clover) well I use to steal them out of decks whenever I came across an unguarded one, even  from the occasional casino (I'd look pretty tough in jail telling that story) Nobody really misses a "4" an ACE maybe but not a 4. Eventually I had a full deck of fours and have probably come across between 1 and 2 hundred of them over the years. Not really a compulsion just a hobby that I have since given up?  
I have also won money blindly picking 4 of clubs out of deck (not my deck, lol) on the same night I guessed someones birthday. (but that's whole other story)
"Hey Tyler, you wanna take a guess what card that is?"  I think he guessed like 9 of diamonds or somthing like that?
By now you know what my guess was!
I walked over picked up the card and showed it to him before I took a look.
His face instantly lit up with astonishment I knew what card it was.  
(it felt like we were in an episode of lost)
Pretty freaking cool. 
 The card is by far my favorite souvineer from my trip to Nicaragua

Religion of the year

I have my own take on this theology:
Actions speak louder than words and gods! Call it Karma, Korima  or Newton's third law.  What you do does matter and sooner or later it will come up give you a kiss or bite you in the ass.


If you were the lucky winner or an Honorable mention of the 2013
awards and would like to receive your prize please send me a Paypal payment of $500 to cover shipping and handling and your rake on a string will be sent out at my convenience.
Either that
Ask me to bring it with me somewhere that we might cross paths and please bring me a beer..

Congratulations to all the Winners.
You Rock!


Now for the worst of 

Worst trend in running
Sure, I love boobs as much as the next guy but I don't want them while running an ultra. Hate is a strong word but I hate bra's on women and I don't wish to wear one either. Hydration packs that place bottles on the chest are a stupid fad that has got to go.

Biggest Ouch
A days before the 2013 Caballo Blanco Ultra Marathon I got that splinter wedged so far under my finger nail I had to cut the nail just to get to.  Miraculously I was able to pull out complete, I didn't loose my fingernail and more importantly it did  not get infected.
Worst Hair cut of the year
Thank you to the beauty school drop out at Super cuts for giving my the stylings of Hitler's mustache on my forehead.  I got that haircut in May and haven't had once since.

Sore Loser of the Year
Yanins Kouros at Across the Years 2013-14
Since his Douchebaggery spans from an event from 2013-14 he is also eligible for next years award.


  1. Nice. Tell me your paypal account meal and I'll send over the $500. Maybe.

  2. Not sure where the word 'email' becomes 'meal' but I haven't eaten much today so it's probably subconscious.