Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The 3 most Overrated and Pretentious Beers

I write this this post out of boredom and frankly I don't care what the  you drink, you have the right to like whatever the hell you want.  It's okay if you like one of these beers.   You may even be a swell person even though I think  your taste in beer sucks.

If you offer me any of these there beer's I may say 
because if I say "no"people may stop offering me free beer and I don't want take that risk
Please know that you are killing slowly. The taste of these beer fills me with same disgust as watching fox news or two girls sharing one cup.

I do not have a palate for Belgium, sour, cream, white or amber ales.
I am IPA drinker who also drinks plenty piss yellow American and Mexican pilsner and lagers.

I would rather drink warm flat Steel Reserve than any of these three beers.
So without further ado I give you

The 3 most Overrated and Pretentious  Beers.

#3 Fat Tire Ale
It tastes like they  water collected from a parking lot full of rusting Huffy's fermented in an old water bottle by moldy Gatorade residue.

Who drinks this crap?
People who think they use to be cool who are trying to grasp on to memory that doesn't exist

#2 Firestone 805
It taste like water collected from Refugio State beach after an oil spill

Who Drinks this crap?
Just north of Los Angeles lies a community of pretentiousness  people unified by their star bellied Sneetch hatred of anything L.A. other than the Dodgers. If this is what they drink at their frankfurter roasts and marshmallow toasts, I sure as hell didn't want to go anyway.

#1 Blue Moon

It taste like watered down horse piss with a twist of lemon and hint of feces.

Who Drinks this crap?
People who hate beer that know nothing about beer but want to impress their beer drinking buddies.


Monday, June 1, 2015

Roll Recovery R8 a Masochistic Love Story between a man and his imaginary American Gladiator

 This is the story of how I fell in love with 
About 5 years ago I had my first battle with Iliotibial Band Syndrome. (a tight IT Band)  Back then there was no such thing as the Roll Recovery R8
 So I bought The Stick. I don't think it's a bad product but the massage was way too superficial, partly on account of my wimpy upper body strength. No matter how much a massaged my IT band, it did not get any better and now my arms and shoulders needed  massage as well
  So I got foam roller.  Meet
Almost everyday for the next few months we rolled on the floor together.  At first I  shrieked like a little girl. I never fanciest myself to be much of masochist. Pain is not somthing I usually enjoy. But neither is injury.  I knew the pain was good for me and it became addicting for awhile Rolonya and I had a good thing going.

But overtime as I healed an got back into running again, I got lazy and our time spent on the floor together diminished. I was too tired for are daily romp.  I was no longer  injured I had a hard time convincing myself  to be proactive.
We tried to spice things up but are affair was over except for the occasional one night stand.  

I thought Maybe I needed somthing more intense?
So I bought "The Grid"  which by all means is a pretty awesome foam roller 
(other than being very hard to draw on)
It suffers from the 2 problems that all foam rollers suffer from.

1.  When I am trying to recover from a hard workout I do not have the energy to provide my own resistance
2. It requires quite a bit of room to roll around on.

The solution was simple?
I needed my own personal American Gladiator to massage me
I needed 
Why Zap?
Because "Nitro" is a prick!

Owning my own American Gladiator would be pretty expensive. Plus if you have ever seen me without my shirt on It's pretty obvious I have no clue where to buy the steroids needed to feed them

So I got the next best thing

It turns out I got "ZAP"  after all.  It's pretty clear to me how they came up with design.
Photo by Stan Evans
I recently ran across the United States and I brought "Zap" with me.
 My body would be tested like never before! 
Each day I ran my ass off and had little energy left to do anything else besides drink a beer. 
Thankfully the Roll Recovery R8 is spring loaded providing almost all of its own resistance. 
It turns out all that beer drinking gave me just enough arm strength to use ZAP.
Plus I could use it anywhere.
With each passing day my love for ZAP grew.  I'm not the possessive type.
So I shared her with many friends along the way and the praise was universal.
And so were the grimaces.
(Caution video contains a foul mouthed Texan, watcher beware)

ZAP and I still are together.  Although I am done with my transcontinental run I still use her everyday for at least 5 to 10 minutes.  She sits next to the couch always there for me. The Roll Recovery R8 provides a great deep tissue massage with little effort. I don't recommend throwing way your foam roller but a foam roller that isn't being used will not help you.  The R8 takes almost no effort to use and is perfect the lazy endurance athlete like myself.

Save your energy for your workout
use the R8 to Recover.

I love you ZAP! 
Ha Ha 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Thirty48 Calf Sleeves Review "They might make you faster and more attractive to the opposite sex?"

What the heck does Thirty48 mean?
It's not named after the Kuwait Iraq border
Latitude 380 Longitude 48
For that matter what is CEP, Zensah or 2xu either?

Go to Thirty48.com Use PAT15 (15% off)
and find out what Thirty48 means to you?

Time for another strange anomaly that is my life.  Since February.  I've been trying out a product from a sock company.  Socks?  I wear socks even less than is wear a t-shirt, shoes or even underwear.
(Ha ha TMI)

But Calf sleeves?
Once Upon A time I was a big fan of them.
Elevate your sport performance with Thirty 48!
Thirty 48 Cp Compression sleeves-sock are 15-20mmHg, and can lead to increased performance and mobility.
Compression leg sleeves are made with Catalyst AF Design creating airflow to help with circulation. The compression leg sleeves can be worn during training or for recovery to increase oxygen blood flow to the muscles of the lower leg for faster recovery, making it possible to maximize your potential.

  • Increases blood flow, allowing more oxygen to reach those muscles
  • Improves Performance by altering muscle force, muscle power, or muscle contraction efficiency
  • Prevents Injuries such as shin splints, and soothes aching muscles post-workout
  • Graduated compression helps to enhance endurance during long runs and workouts
  • Calf Compression Sleeve-Socks Made with 87% Nylon, 13% Spandex

I use to wear compression CEP calf sleeves 
(often referred to as calf panties among runners)
I wore them when I set the world record for running on sand and then again when I broke my own record
 I wore them in my first trail race win
and in my first win in a 50km.

I really liked my CEP sleeves but they were always so tight getting them off my legs was a very painful ordeal.  Sometimes knowing I would have to take them off prevented me from wearing them and once I was so tired I had to cut them off my calves.

Thus I strayed away from calf sleeves and guess what happened?
I run barefoot pretty much every day sometimes as much as 24 hours in a week you can find me strolling through the soft sand at the beach.  When you run barefoot or in minimalist shoes/sandals your calves get a good workout which makes them tight.  When your calves are tight they put more strain on other parts of your body like you I.T. bands, your achilles tendon and your plantar fascia.

Last May my calves were very tight (Not wearing sleeves) but I was too stubborn to get things loosened up while I was training as hard as ever.  My achilles tendon on my left heel to started ripping off in the back.
It's pretty painful situation to deal with and has seriously hampered my training and racing.

I probably should not be running?
(Pat don't listen to yourself)
But if I do it is imparable that I keep the rest of my leg loose especially my calves.

Enter in:
I started wearing the sleeves in early February.  Almost instantly I was able to train a little harder and run a little faster.  I entered my first 5k in about 6th months.  I wasn't that fast but I felt good and I finished in fourth place

Redondo Beach 5k
Two weeks later I wore them in 5k Trail race which I won and I felt so good I ran the 10km right after and won that as well.
Rancho San Juan

Compared to the Cep sleeves I had worn in the past the Thirty48 sleeves felt equally as good compression wise, they were a little bit thicker which I liked.  They kept  my calves warm, loose and kept the blood flowing.  Best of all they were easy to take off afterwards

I liked them So much I got my fellow Lunatic Tyler Tomasello to give them a try.
Here's what he had to say:
Thirty 48 sleeves are great, My race season is shaping up to be the best ever and i think it has a lot to do with the sleeves. three races into the season and three PR's. No cramping and minimal pain… Thanks to these sleeves"
Along with my little buddy  Tyler. 
 We tested out the sleeves in the desert of AZ followed by a few weeks of hiking and running through Mexico culminating in the 50 Mile Caballo Blanco Ultra Marathon
The sleeves worked great and by the time race day came along my calves felt fresh and the pain I was use to feeling in my achilles now seemed somewhat under control
They also make a good beer Koozie
As soon as I got back from Mexico I won another 5k (course record) finishing a good thirty seconds faster than I expected
Run to Fight Children's Cancer 5km
Tyler also finished in the top Top 10 in the 10km.

The following week Tyler ran 100 his fastest 100 miler ever at the 2014 Run4kids.
I was sick and only managed a little over 70 miles.

A week later I ran another 50km finishing 4th.  I doubt my body would of held up to such a rigorous racing schedule without the help of my Thirty48 sleeves. But the best was yet to come

I signed up for one last Ultramarathon, my fifth race and 4th Ultramarathon in 5 weeks.
I went out fast and finished even faster
with a course record time of 3:36
Beyond Limits 50km
I'm not saying that wearing thirty48 sleeves will change your life but they might make you faster
They may even make you more attractive to the opposite sex.  They are worth a try and if it works for this dumb ass it may work for you.

So far the my sleeves are holding up great.  I am very happy with them and will be using them at the Boston Marathon in less than two weeks.
Don't forget to use "PAT15" at checkout to save 15%
Have fun

Thursday, January 9, 2014

2013 P.R.O.S.T.A.T.E.. awards! A totally biased celebration of friends and crap that I like

In honor of the year that was
In an effort to rid myself of some plastic rakes I found on the beach.

I present you with the
(it'a an acronym)
Plastic Rake On String To Acknowledge Tremendous Excellence.
(rake size and color may vary)

Race of the Year 
The only way it could have been better is if their was some sort of live Metal Mariachi band?

Honorable mention:

Race Director/Running Organization
The Coury Brothers and family

Honorable Mention:

Ultra Runner of the Year
8 Year old Teagan
Finisher of the Javelina 100km and 100 miles at Across the Years

Honorable mention:
Ian Sharman
The fastest man ever to complete the grand slam of Ultra-running

Honorable Mention:
Tracy Thomas
Tracy raised over $6,000 for the 100 mile club. and then was the outright winner in the 100 mile Endurance Challenge.

Burro of the Year

Travelling buddy of the Year
Tyler Tomaello
We traveled many miles and drank many beers

Honorable mention:
La Mariposa and Frenchie.
I love you guys.

Man of the Year
Every dude who used his own urine to clean a toilet seat and then wiped it off afterwards for the next person to use it

Woman of the Year
All women who who fight for equality!
If I had to wear a shirt everyday it would drive me insane.

Beard of the Year
Robert Shackelton Shackelford
I tried my best but  I wasn't even close.

Race Shwag
Leadville Burro Race
Not only did I not know I was getting a buckle, I also got a 4 pack of IPA. Not bad for getting second to last place.

 Honorable Mention:
F.O.K.A. B. M.
Federation of Kick Ass Beer miles
Shovel on a string

Dancer of the Year
Chris Rios and Maria Walton
Rios's behind the back clap move has been known to spontaneously in-pregnant whole ballrooms full of Infertile women.
Honorable mention to: 
Steph, Shawn and Scott

Musical Performance of the Year
On a moonless night in Urique my friend Nacho strummed away at his violin

Beer of the Year
Stone Ale

Best Stone Ale of year
All of the IPA's brought down to Mexico for me by Mike miller and Pat Muldowney.  I am very fortunate to have such good friends.

Blog of the Year
By far my favorite blog!

Honorable Mention:
(shameless? You betcha!)

Food of the Year
The avocado

Honorable mention:
The taco w/avocado
 the Vegan pizza also w/avocado

Snack Bar of the Year
Bearded Brothers
Raw, Vegan and Gluten free.

Inspirational quote of the year
Wake up and Frolic!
I love it

Gear of the Year
Black Shorts.
There is really only one piece of gear that I need to go running 
any brand will do but the liner should also be black.

Honorable mention:
The water bottle
Personally I prefer Ultimate Hydration handhelds but just about any bottle will do.

Shoe of the Year
Shoes are lame.  No winner here.

Honorable Mention:
If I got to wear somthing on my feet it's gonna be a pair of 
Luna Sandal

Shovel of the  Year
I'm a sucker for the Heart handle
Honorable mention:
First place Shovel on a string award presented to Nick Coury at the Javelina Beer mile

Favorite item Found on the Beach
 I don't know why I love this stupid flashlight so much but I do.
Honorable Mention:
His name is GustAvocado and if I die and have one of those Mexican roadside shrines dedicated to me, I want him in it.
Random cool moment of the year
"The Magic of Ometepe"
While at the beach I noticed a playing card sitting face down washed up on the shore?  (Okay whatever)  I went on to tell Tyler a story of  how when I was younger (Younger? I was younger yesterday!) I had a lucky card. The 4 of clubs (think four leaf clover) well I use to steal them out of decks whenever I came across an unguarded one, even  from the occasional casino (I'd look pretty tough in jail telling that story) Nobody really misses a "4" an ACE maybe but not a 4. Eventually I had a full deck of fours and have probably come across between 1 and 2 hundred of them over the years. Not really a compulsion just a hobby that I have since given up?  
I have also won money blindly picking 4 of clubs out of deck (not my deck, lol) on the same night I guessed someones birthday. (but that's whole other story)
"Hey Tyler, you wanna take a guess what card that is?"  I think he guessed like 9 of diamonds or somthing like that?
By now you know what my guess was!
I walked over picked up the card and showed it to him before I took a look.
His face instantly lit up with astonishment I knew what card it was.  
(it felt like we were in an episode of lost)
Pretty freaking cool. 
 The card is by far my favorite souvineer from my trip to Nicaragua

Religion of the year

I have my own take on this theology:
Actions speak louder than words and gods! Call it Karma, Korima  or Newton's third law.  What you do does matter and sooner or later it will come up give you a kiss or bite you in the ass.


If you were the lucky winner or an Honorable mention of the 2013
awards and would like to receive your prize please send me a Paypal payment of $500 to cover shipping and handling and your rake on a string will be sent out at my convenience.
Either that
Ask me to bring it with me somewhere that we might cross paths and please bring me a beer..

Congratulations to all the Winners.
You Rock!


Now for the worst of 

Worst trend in running
Sure, I love boobs as much as the next guy but I don't want them while running an ultra. Hate is a strong word but I hate bra's on women and I don't wish to wear one either. Hydration packs that place bottles on the chest are a stupid fad that has got to go.

Biggest Ouch
A days before the 2013 Caballo Blanco Ultra Marathon I got that splinter wedged so far under my finger nail I had to cut the nail just to get to.  Miraculously I was able to pull out complete, I didn't loose my fingernail and more importantly it did  not get infected.
Worst Hair cut of the year
Thank you to the beauty school drop out at Super cuts for giving my the stylings of Hitler's mustache on my forehead.  I got that haircut in May and haven't had once since.

Sore Loser of the Year
Yanins Kouros at Across the Years 2013-14
Since his Douchebaggery spans from an event from 2013-14 he is also eligible for next years award.